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Online dating has become very popular over the past few years, even more so than running around in bars and clubs trying to find that one soul mate. That being said, there is a great and grand history to the way Internet dating got started and how it has evolved like a living thing over the years. People seem to flock in droves to the online dating sites and it begs a question that needs answering. A couple of hellos every now and again, a lunch date, may be a dinner date or two but it appears that these conventional methods cant work. If so, maybe you should jump on the bandwagon of online dating.

There are many reasons why you need to consider online dating In addition to becoming a user of any online dating services you are in fact showing yourself to the rest of the world, increasing your circle of friends as well as raising your hopes to find the right partner. Online dating offers one of the easiest and most effective method available to meet new friends even create a lasting relationship. With online dating websites you can browse through a collection of hundreds to thousands of possible relationship prospects without leaving the comfort of your house.

Most single men and women love the online dating scene, once they become familiar with how it works. The online sites can offer new possibilities; open new doors previously locked to them and can even give the most social phobic person a chance at a “normal” dating life. Keeping in mind that there are protocols to follow, online dating sites can offer many people a chance at love that they may not have had in the past.

Reasons for why we use an online dating site:

1. Online dating is convenient.

2. Online dating is relatively safe. (If you are cautious.) 3. Dating online is among the most diverse niches you may find. 4. Dating online guards your privacy. 5. Dating online provides comfort. 6. Online dating is not a waiting game. 7. Online dating is a great venue for the shy types. 8. Online dating is costs less. Yo will find more number of Free online dating Websites like truedate4u.

This article is intended for someone whose spouse is not interested in them or the relationship anymore. It is not meant for all marriages.

The following dynamic is common to mankind. It’s even prevalent in the world of nature. Understanding this dynamic will be very valuable in regaining your spouse’s interest.

Relationships are like seesaws. For example, if one person expresses all the optimism and confidence, the other person is invited to feel all the pessimism and insecurity. One goes upthe other goes down.

Spouses often balance each other in this way in what is called the “Avoider- Pursuer” dynamic. When one person’s position is extreme, it literally forces their spouse to adopt an equally extreme position in the opposite direction.

When one person wants the marriage to work, fairly typical patterns emerge. The spouse who wants to preserve the marriage desperately pursues their mate, trying to reverse the momentum of the alienation. Usually there is pleading, begging, crying, threatening, anything to try to win back the departing spouse.

“I know deep down inside you still love me,” she says, in an effort to convince him to keep trying, or “What about all these years together? We have a history that shouldn’t be thrown away,” she tells him, hoping he will see the light. “I promise I’ll change, I know it can work,” he tells her, praying she will give him one more chance.

Although these acts of desperation are understandable, unfortunately they have the paradoxical effect of actually increasing the chances of divorce. The more desperate the spouse who wants to keep the marriage alive, the less appealing he or she becomes. The result? The reluctant spouse becomes more certain that the decision to divorce is the right one and withdraws even further.

Pursuers have other things in common. As the marriage deteriorates, they often become obsessed with wanting to know their mate’s whereabouts and activities.

If separated, they may call many times a day, sometimes to check on their mate, other times to be reassured. These calls are usually met with anger or apathy. This is hardly the reassurance the caller needed. In fact, the distancing mate feels that the pursuer is try to control him or her, which inevitably leads to resistance.

The more one spouse worries about the breakdown of the marriage, the less the other spouse has to worry about it. The result? If you have been working overtime to convince your spouse that your marriage is worth saving, that you love each other, or you are worried about the children, you make it easy for him or her not to think or feel these things because you are doing it all for them. The solution? Stop the chase! In fact, It’s not enough just to stop the chase, you must do a 180-degree about turn.

Avoid:

Don’t act down and depressed, don’t be clingy, no interrogations, no questions, no persuading, no convincing, be unavailable sometimes.

If separated:

1. Stop calling.
2. Be unavailable sometimes when he/she stops over.
3. Act happy (like your old self) when they visit
4. Be more involved with others, children, parents, friends, etc while they are there.
5. Make appropriate social plans for yourself.

Be interested but not eager. Stick with it for awhile before you decide if it is working. Resist the impulse to ask for more commitment, or of seeming too eager. Allow enough time for the positive interactions to take hold. Don’t get complacent too soon, or you spouse will become distant again.

If still living together:

1. Stop calling him or her at work or other places.
2. Stop initiating sex or trying to be seductive.
3. Make plans for yourself.
4. Keep busy around the house when your spouse is present.
5. Act happy. (Actually become a happier person, this is a decision!)
6. Stop questioning your spouse about their whereabouts, or who they are with.

When you focus less on your spouse and more on improving your own life and making yourself happy, you can start making your life enjoyable again. When your own life is in order, you feel better about yourself, which helps you be more clearheaded about your marriage.

Divorce is never a pleasant experience. The emotions involved before, during and after divorce can be very painful, confusing, complex and sometimes frightening. However, learning from how others coped with the trauma may help one in picking up the threads and moving on in life…

Divorce is never a pleasant experience. The emotions involved before, during and after divorce can be painful, confusing, complex and sometimes frightening. Picking up the threads and moving on may seem like the most difficult thing to do and requires considerable effort and adjustment. We spoken to people who have had to grapple with divorce induced trauma – people who have emerged triumphant after the ordeal and are now leading more productive, fulfilling lives

Actress Sarha marriedRanvir Singh,at the peak of her film career and happily threw it all away just to be the quintessential Indian wife. When things began spiraling out of control, she opted for a divorce after ten years of marriage. The decision left her with custody of her young son but minus a steady source of income and a roof over her head. She had to start from scratch. “Those who have been through the ordeal know that a divorce is the hardest, most traumatic period of one’s life. And it doesn’t just involve the two of you but your respective families as well, including the children, who are affected most. The grief& pain is similar to that experienced when someone close to you dies. But in this case, the person concerned is still alive and getting on with his own life – perhaps in the same neighborhood.”

She recalls one of the most frustratingly awkward situations, “Whenever I would go to a friend’s house and there were children there with both their parents and there I was standing all alone with my child. It was at times like these that all that hurt and anger came rushing back. I felt, ‘How could he do this to us?’ It’s all his fault!”

“Today, me andRanvir are the best of friends. If I have something to share, I call him up. The three of us go out for movies or dinner together or with common friends. But to reach this comfort level, I’ve had to work on my ego issues and insecurities, as immediately after the divorce, there was a lot of resentment and anger.” The ex didn’t do much to help either, “The day after the divorce was legalized, Ranvir threw his friends a so-called ‘freedom party’ to celebrate his new-found freedom from the wife. This was probably done to spite me and yes it hurt. I have managed to let go and moved on, but my mother still cannot bring herself to forgive my ex-husband. It is after all natural for a parent to hold a grudge against someone who has hurt their offspring and ruined his/her life.”

While her mother and sisterTina stood by her through it all, Sarha claims her strongest ally was herself. “A divorce leaves you at your most vulnerable, but you have to be strong if you have to pull through that phase. Friends will console you and hold your hand, but can they share your pain? Or your loneliness? Moreover most married women are scared of a divorced woman. They may be your closest friends, but once you’re single again they think of you as a threat; someone out to snare their man for herself in order to fill the void.”

Looking back in retrospect Sarha says, “I had tried really hard to make it work. ButRanvir though jobless refused to give up on his gambling and insisted on keeping the wrong kind of company. These were things that infuriated me and lead to heated arguments. The fights when looked at individually weren’t really all that important, but as they got more frequent, the bad times began outweighing the good and I decided enough was enough. I wish his parents had intervened at that stage. Or perhaps had insisted that he get his act together, but they didn’t. It was more convenient to blame the wife and take his side. After we divorced, Ranvir’s mother tried to get me to come back. But it was too late.”

Sarha admits that like 99 per cent of divorced mothers she too wanted to lash out at her ex-husband in the most obvious way – by denying him visitation rights. “If the father is fond of his child, the best way to hurt him is to separate him from his child. But this is detrimental to the growth of the child who ends up insecure and resentful of the fact that he never got an opportunity to know his/her father. My parents too were divorced and I never got to know my father. I don’t blame my mother for not keeping in touch with my him; I’m sure she had her reasons. But those feelings of remorse did surface at times when I saw my classmates in school with both their parents,” she says.

“I wanted my son to feel complete and loved and not grow into an insecure, manipulative child who slyly pits one parent against the other to get his way. Hence I put in a determined attempt to bridge the gap caused by our divorce.” And in doing so Sarha has also succeeded in moving on with her life, “I am on friendly terms withRanvir and his present girlfriend. I am intofilm production and other business”. Prod on about the chances of a second marriage and she reveals, “Yes, there is another man in my life, but marriage isn’t on the cards. I’m not yet ready to step into another relationship.” A case of once bitten, twice shy.

ModelSaurab talks candidly about his failed marriage with model/actressGeeta, “Sure I made many mistakes; I’m only human. I’m not a saint. And I don’t believe in blinding myself from the truth. Most people don’t realize or refuse to accept their mistakes. Their pride, ego, etc. prevent them from coming to terms with reality. And it’s much easier to hold your ex responsible for the failure of your relationship by saying, ‘Oh it was all her/his fault!’ So what if the marriage didn’t work out. Accept your mistakes and move on.”

SaurabandGeeta have been separated for five months and their divorce is yet to come through, but the soon-to-be ex-husband matter-of-factly states that he has moved on. “Basically, it all boils down to the individual’s state of mind. Like most other things divorce cannot be labeled ‘good’ or ‘bad’. What society at large refers to as a ‘bad’ thing may just have some good come out of it.” He elaborates, “Divorce is simply a clash of two minds. Sure, you should try to iron out differences through marital counseling, etc. But if the problems are irreconcilable it is better to let go and part ways. Time is the best healer.” The model turned businessman is today immersed in his work and is bares all about his failed marriage, butGeeta on the other hand feels she still isn’t comfortable discussing the relationship.

The outcome of a divorce is often two embittered individuals who simply can’t stand the sight of each other. But this needn’t always be the case. Couples who have split after a brief marriage find it easier to overcome the pain and the hurt and remain friends or at least maintain a cordial relationship. As Gautam so succinctly puts it, “Life is too short to harbor ill-feelings.”

But the anger and hurt cannot be suppressed either and needs to be redirected to serve a constructive purpose.Sameer turned television actress Mahima says she used the anger to propel her to move on with her life. “The divorce took around a year and a half to come through and this was the toughest phase. I found myself battling over petty material possessions and property.” She continues, “It was all very upsetting. There was this constant bickering, ‘why should you have this, I bought it’. Not because I really wanted it but just to get back at him. I even used to have these nightmares of spotting him with a new wife. When he did eventually get married, I was surprisingly okay with it.”

She says, “After a month or two, I would often just burst out crying. It was like as if something had died and there was this mourning process I had to go through, where I found it difficult to even eat.” But it was only a matter of time before the mourning period came to an end and she found a new purpose in life, a raison d’etre. “I fell in love with ISKON – Hare Krishna Land. The experience was so divine. I now found the time to pursue my love for philosophy which was something I wanted to do since the age of 19.” Mahima is also grateful for the support of the parents who though traditional in their views stood by her through her divorce. “I come from a family where we believe marriage is for keeps. Divorce was not a done thing. Yet my parents have been so gracious and dignified. There was none of that ‘we told you so’ nor do they discus my marriage with others.”

Sheepishly the actress admits to even going through a phase when she was so emotionally vulnerable and attracted to anyone and everyone. “I would look at anRestaurent waiterand tell my friend ‘oh he’s so cute and so nice’.” Then suddenly on a serious note she adds, “I always knewDilip and myself were not right for each other. We were just so different. He is so cool and chilled out and I am over hyper and very restless. I would constantly break up with him, but the attachment and attraction was so strong that after two days I’d go back to him. I glad we did get married else I would always have wondered what life would him would have been like. Now I know. While he was a very loving and attentive husband, there was no respect in the relationship – it was very immature.”

Like her ex-husband Mahimasays men tend to move on quicker than women. If not emotionally at least physically. ButSameer begs to differ, “I can’t speak for all men, but I haven’t hastily jumped into another relationship. For me it has always been career first and that’s what I’m focusing on right now. I’m also very spiritual and that has helped keep me on track.”

Mahimaadvises, “You need to put your emotions on the back burner. If you feel you are better off without a particular person, stick by your decision. Be detached and very focused on what you want. Even if you are dating or married, spend time with your family and friends, go out with them on holidays, traveling or just shopping. There’s more to life than just being in a relationship. You don’t have to be together 24/7. By all means love to the fullest, but down let your partner own you. Sarha too seconds this view. “While it is important to give your partner his space, it is also equally essential to give yourself space.” Both women agree that is vital for a wife to be financially independent for their men to respect them. “If you can’t work outside the home because of the kids, work from the home itself. Take up tailoring or catering, something you are good at. When your man knows you have other options, you aren’t helpless and dependent he will think twice before taking you for granted or straying,” says Sarha.

But not all divorce related problems come with a simple solution. Take for example the case of Mahesh, an architect. He separated from his wife over four years ago, leaving behind an eight -year-old daughter in her custody. A year after their separation he moved in with Aditi, a public relations consultant and they have been living together ever since. The ride was a bumpy one and the arrival of their son only made matters worse.Mahesh confesses that the divorce was painful and further complicated his life. “I love my daughter very much and would like to spend more time with her. In fact, I would like to be a good father to both my children. Though the differences between me and my ex-wife were irreconcilable, I can’t help but feel like I have abandoned them and that there are times when they need me.”

Aditii too admits that the weekly custody visits leave her feeling insecure and threatened. “The thought that three of them are spending time together as a family is very disconcerting. I guess my insecurities stem from the fact that the two of us still haven’t married. Every time he goes to seeMarina (his daughter), I am constantly plagued by doubts, ‘What if they patch up? What happens to me and my son? Sure I’m doing well and I can take care of the both of us. But doesn’t my son deserve a father? AfterMahesh had split with his ex he was a shattered man. I helped him piece his life back together and now they seem to be getting along fine.” Obviously Mahesh and Aditi raise questions that seem impossible to answer and doubts difficult to quell. The two have issues that can be only done away with proper counseling and therapy sessions.

Whatever your experience of divorce may be, it is worth remembering that there is life after divorce. And it can be a blessing in disguise for it isn’t often that we get a chance to break clean and start over. AsSameer says, “Its all about progression, so don’t get disheartened.”

Some of the names have been changed on request.

Start a New Life and find a compatible match for yourself at www.re-marriage.com The No.1 Re-marriage Matrimonials Services Provider. For divorcees, widows, widowers, separated and late marriages.

The social element of online dating allows us to explore all walks of life – however before you start to hit on every appealing profile, give yourself the best chance of success by learning the 10 commandments of online dating. Dating online is a universal matchmaking tool that will unlock opportunities you thought never existed.

If you are tired of sleeping alone every night, or have just come out of a long relationship and are perhaps stuck for ideas on expanding your social network please read on…

1. Knowing who you are.

Figure out what it is you are searching for in a partner. If it’s just meeting new people in your spare time for casual relationships with minimal commitment, make this known in your profile – likewise if you seek something more permanent. Single people often join a dating site without even meeting anyone in person. Dating sites with chat rooms provide a means of company for people who are not ready for realism but seek fantasy.

2. Seek advice.

You probably know someone that has had experience with online dating. Seek advice from this person on what chat rooms and online dating sites are worth joining. It’s a pretty important decision to take the leap into the cyber land of romance and the best advice you can get is from someone you already know.

3. Take it slowly.

As with anything is life, taking your time to research your options will probably end up saving you time in the long run instead of rushing in and relying on trial and error. The whole idea of online dating is that it provides the opportunity to fully assess potential dates before a real life face to face date.

4. Just be honest – it works!

When you create an online dating profile or engage in an online chat, it provides a means for you to highlight your good points – which is a good thing. But after establishing online contact with someone for a period of time, many online singles neglect to paint the true and complete picture of themselves which can set the scene for a disappointing first date. If your profile picture was taken before you shaved your head – make it known before your first date.

5. Prioritize.

When you first join the dating site of your choice you will be a little shell shocked at the amount of profiles to choose from. Many online singles make the mistake of shooting off emails to multiple people. Try to be selective with whom you contact and make each introduction personalized to them based on their profile description.

6. Online dating – not for the gullible.

Snakes in the grass are common on the web. Take down information about people you chat to so you can verify their details at a later date. Check with others in the chat rooms to see if anyone can vouch for this persons character. Never take anything beyond the chat room if your gut feeling says otherwise.

7. Brush up on your chat room manners.

By entering a chat room session doesn’t mean you can start saying anything you like to anyone you like. Imagine that you are sitting at a public park, would you start mouthing off suggestive comments to every attractive person that passed you by – hopefully not! Consider this when in a chat room and start the conversation off in a very low key manner.

8. Big bang for your bucks!

Add up the cost if you were to go bar hopping or on singles holidays for 3 months. The cost would run into the thousands of dollars. By joining one of the popular online dating sites for 3 months you could expect to pay around 0.00 and get 24/7 live access to dozens of singles within a square kilometer of where you live. In recent times, ad funded free online dating sites have also emerged – need we say more? the decision to sign up to online dating sites starts with your wallet or purse.

9. Strike while the iron’s hot.

You need to stay in touch with your dating site and check your mail/inbox regularly. If you become too unavailable the person trying to contact you will move onto someone else. That’s the beauty of online dating, there’s so much choice – if one door closes another opens.

10. Safety first.

When you agree to meet someone in person, do so in a public place. Provide your own transport, and have a quick exit strategy in place in case your date isn’t the person you perceived them to be.

See us for the latest dating tips and where to find the singles hotspots and free online dating sites to improve your social life.

MAIN QUOTE

We are want to condemn self-love; but what we really mean to condemn is contrary to self-love. It is that mixture of selfishness and self-hate that permanently pursues us, that prevents us from loving others, and that prohibits us from losing ourselves. ~ Paul Valery, French Poet, 1871 – 1945

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS

As a counselor I have often told people that they need to learn to love themselves. Yet, while saying this to others, I have at times taken pause to reflect and ask myself, What does that really mean? How do we know the difference between a self-love and a selfish love? And, what can we do practically to love ourselves in the right way? Perhaps the quote above holds a clue, because I believe true self love fills us with enough joy, peace, and love that our desire to be loving human beings grows. Because of this we want to express more empathy, compassion, and understanding towards others. Selfish love does the contrary. It increases our sense of self-loathing or our disdain and anger towards others. It causes us to act increasingly in our own best interests without considering the interests of others. It causes us to want to sacrifice others needs and desires in service to our own, instead of the other way around. Or, it causes us to self-destruct through a number of behaviors that may feel good temporarily, but ultimately they lead to the shutting down of our hearts and spiral us downward into increased self-loathing and self-reproach.

How then do we love ourselves in the right way? By first and foremost learning what love is. Then, by insisting that we feed ourselves with that love. This is best done by finding people who know how to love. From them we learn how to adopt loving mindsets, feelings, and behaviors. And, it is done by setting boundaries on people who dont know how to encourage the greatest level of love in us. Because when we truly have that kind of love in our lives we are increasingly a blessing to others. Which is why real love requires that we love ourselves in the right way, so we can have the strength to love, the wisdom to love, and the energy to love those who need our love the most.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Copyright 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html